My Story: After The Tragedy (Part 3)

As I mentioned before, one of the books I recently read was “Atomic Habits” by James Clear.  Again I could not recommend it more if you’ve not read it.  I am trying to work on developing habits for myself.  I do have goals but habits are something I want to add to my list.  I developed a habit years ago of going to and being involved with a church.  Another habit I feel is mine is that of being a good employee.  Work ethic is one of my stronger habits – could it be better, yes but it is strong.  A habit I gained several years ago was of being a husband then a dad.  Thankfully I had some good role models on this.  I realize there are other habits of mine that are second nature and I do not even realize they are habits.  One that I am working on is that of becoming a reader of the bible and books.  I have never been a strong reader but this is something I am working on.  I wake up early now to read before work then read at least one more time during the day.  I read on my lunch break and if I am not too tired before I go to bed.  Another habit I am working on is that of trying to be active daily.  As I have said, outdoor activity is something I have always done but it is not daily.  I have set the goal of having 10,000 steps in a day.  This is something I want as a habit just as going to work.  We will see now that it is summertime in Arkansas how I will do with this habit.  So far I have been able to continue it.  My steps are not in excess of 10,000 like they were before but I am maintaining a weekly average of 10,000 steps per day.  I know there will be other habits I need to add but right now walking and reading are the two I am working on.

Dizziness is something I struggle with now.  When laying in the bed I could not lay on my side without getting very dizzy.  After a few moments if I stayed it would even out and get better but many times I was unable to stay like that.  This has improved and I am able to lay on my side again.  Looking up is still a struggle.  When I lean my head back I still get dizzy.  One morning I was in the shower washing my hair and had a very bad dizzy attack.  It was the worst I had experienced.  When I came home from the hospital I had to shower sitting on a bench with the help of my wife.  I transitioned from this bench to being helped to get in the shower by Christy washing myself then Christy helping me out to doing this all by myself.  On this particular morning Christy helped me in the shower then stood right outside the door in case I needed help.  I went to wash my hair and leaned my head back.  The dizzy spell came on very strong and I held on to the shower walls and door for stability.  The doors rattled as I stood there and shook with the dizziness.  Christy asked what was wrong as the doors were shaking and I answered I was dizzy but told her I would just wait it out as getting out of the shower was an impossible option.  After a few moments the dizziness passed and I went on with the shower.  This is the only time this has happened and although I still have some dizziness I feel it is improving.

One day in December I was at work.  I made a few trips to the dumpster to take the trash out then stopped by my friend’s office to talk about something.  I sat down in a chair in his office and we visited.  After our talk I went to get up out of the chair, I stood up fine then fell straight over.  I had fallen before but this was the hardest I had fallen yet.  My friend jumped up and helped me up and checked to make sure I was ok.  I was fine, embarrassed and shook up but fine.  It scared him and me very badly.  After this I did not fall for a while then I was at home visiting with Christy and let my legs get tangled up and fell a few more times.  There have been other falls but these have been the most memorable.  The falls hurt but so far have not caused any damage that I am aware of.

I have found that sitting for any period of time makes my legs become stiff.  This is tough because I have an office / desk job.  After a few hours I have to get up and walk around.  I would go outside to walk around our office and the airport our office sits on, I would go visit with my co-workers, or I would go out to our hangar next to the office and sweep it up (there is always sweeping that can be done in a hangar).  There were many times a co-worker would walk in the hangar, see me sweeping and then offer to help.  I found that anything I could do to move would help me loosen up.

This morning I did something I have not done this entire time.  I looked at a list of side effects of my medicine.  I know for many of you this is the first thing you do when getting on medicine and something I should have done sooner.  When I got to my office I did my usual of making the coffee when I am the first to arrive.  Said hello to coworkers. Went upstairs to my office to start automatic processes then I looked up the same list again.  This time I printed the list.  While my processes ran I took the list and put a star next to the side effect I am or have experienced.  I put twenty stars on those papers.  Now there was some overlap in this list but to me twenty was a lot and this explained so much.  These stars were next to items that explained my dizziness, stumbling, mental/social distrust, as well as motor skills plus other items I have struggled with. In a few weeks I will see my doctor for a one year checkup and I hope he will give me a plan to get off medicine so I can see what life will be like without it.  On my last checkup we had talked about getting off it but didn’t at the time because of my doctor’s concerns this may cause seizures.

I know these days the talk about church is moving to a more or a totally virtual environment.  For me, after going through this being back in person for church was a huge step in my recovery.  Pauline Baptist Church is my family and being back in person with them felt so well.   They were there for my family in ways I cannot list.  Cullendale First Baptist church was such a huge part of my journey.  This is the church that I grew up in and when I go to visit today I visit with family there just like it was when I was a kid.  There is no way I could thank these two churches for everything they have done.  But first and foremost they are family and during the most challenging time of my life they prayed and supported my family.  Let me repeat some encouragement, become a part of a local church family.  If one does not feel like family, keep trying to find one that does feel like home.

I started reading a new book this weekend.  It is a book my friend Ben gave me called Disruption by Mark DeYmaz.  As I go further in the book it is more for pastors and church leaders but it is a very challenging book to read.  In its introduction and beginning chapters it introduced a term “Disruptor” as someone who disrupts the status quo of life.  I thought as I read this that I want to be a disruptor.  Yes, there have been times that I have disrupted the status quo but it is not something I do very often.  Let’s challenge life a little!

I am having some trouble with my truck right now.  I am far from mechanically inclined but enjoy a good challenge.  After some help from my neighbor the other evening I felt more comfortable.  After this the trouble got worse and I had to take it to a service center.  I needed more expertise.  One morning before I left the house I had to add some water and antifreeze to the truck.  My problem is a coolant leak and is something I had a few years ago.  When I went to add the coolant it took forever to remove the lid off the jug of antifreeze.  When I finally got the lid off I found one of those pesky foil jug seals.  I was so frustrated!  I used to always carry a pocket knife daily but do not as much now because of limited control in my hand.  I went back to my toolbox in the bed of my truck and found a knife that I keep back there for just in case of moments such as this.  Years ago I got this knife.  I do not remember if my grandpa received it or if I did but I got it.  For years it just sat in my truck before this one.  When I bought this truck I also bought a toolbox for the bed of the truck because I was tired of everything being in the cab like it was (my wife says I am a bit of a hoarder).  After I bought the toolbox I placed the knife in it but have used it very little because I always had a knife in my pocket.  I had trouble at this moment removing the foil seal so I needed a knife.  I went back and got the knife from my toolbox and quickly cut open the seal and poured the antifreeze in the truck’s reservoir along with some water then off to work I went. 

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